I was wrapping a few presents for my daughter and started thinking about what gifts were under the tree. I went through my list for her, short as it was this year, but felt like something was missing. I realized there was a gift that I could give her that would cost me absolutely nothing and would probably be the best gift I could give her. That gift was the return of my self-confidence!
I know this may sound strange - especially to those of you who don't know me personally. But over the last 10 years or so, my self-confidence has completely disappeared. I used to be such a strong person - nothing could stop me! I had a great career, great house, great family, great health. Then it all disappeared, starting with the deterioration of my health. I lost my husband, my house, my career, a lot of my friends, my finances. My closest friend has always been there for me no matter how far apart we are and my daughter has stuck by me through everything! They have never left me and I thank God for them everyday!
But through the years, I have become so insecure. I feel insecure about the way I look, useless because I cannot work. I feel bad because I don't actually own a home anymore. The list goes on and on.
But when I started thinking about the gift for my daughter I realized that I do have reasons to be secure. Just because I weigh a little more than I use to - so what!! I am still the person on the inside that I always was! I may not have a full-time job but I do try to volunteer and do things when I can. Though I loved my job, I realize that my career was not what made me who I am. Plus, I am able to be there for my daughter whenever she needs me to do things for her and I love that! I may not own a house but I feel like I have always given my daughter a "home", and that means a lot! I certainly don't have the finances I used to have but God has always provided and there is never a time that He does not meet my needs. And though I may have lost some friends, I have made new friends who love me just the way I am!
My daughter does get so frustrated with me because of my lack of self-esteem. So, for Christmas this year, the greatest gift I can give her is to give her her "old Mom" back - the Mom who loved life, laughed, felt good about herself and her future, who believed in herself. I am going to start living more like God wants me to live. I realize that my lack of self-image and my fears are because I lack the faith to receive the power, love, and self-discipline that God really wants me to have.
Lord, I pray that You will help me with my self-image and my self-confidence. I pray that I will be able to show my daughter that I am the strong person that You created. I pray that I can become the person that I know you want me to be - I know that You are not through with me yet!
"For God did not give us a spirit of timidity, but a spirit of power, of love, and of self-discipline." 2 Timothy 1:7
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